All about numbers

Excited for Baby # 2

So as early as two weeks, we get to meet the newest addition to our small family. I am so not yet done with shopping, and I keep on thinking that I somehow forgot a baby essential. I just don't know what! 

I am a bit excited, stressed and panicky. Wah!!! I thought I'll be better prepared this time, but I'm not. Shame on me. A lot of things should be accomplished before the baby comes out, such as:

- GeneraI cleaning of the entire house (need to make room for the new crib, and need to dispose of a lot of toys!)

- Baby clothes should be washed, and ironed

- Baby bag must be packed!

- My hospital bag must be ready

- Gov't forms, etc.

These are the things on top of my head. Others will still come up for sure in a few days.Because Christmas is so near, we chose a date that will let us spend the holidays at home with our family. 

Even if I am stressed, I am thankful for a lot of things though. J and I have been discussing when the yayas can go home for the holidays. I wanted them to go home to their families, but I also know that it will be a challenge for us how to manage without them. Nate's yaya was kind enough to let me know that she wouldn't go home this December because no one will take care of Nate. I asked her if she's sure, she said yes, and already informed her family that she will be spending the holidays with us. Yey! I was sooo happy that I told her that I'll give her money to have her hair rebonded. Heehee.

I am grateful for the free crib that we will get courtesy of my MIL, and for hospital packages that would let us save a lot! This weekend, we're heading off to St. Luke's Global to settle the hospital bill, and hopefully there wouldn't be any problems. 

I'm so excited to meet my baby boy, and see how he looks like.I am constantly praying that he is healthy, just like his kuya Nate. I am a little anxious though. Nate has never been away from us, and for 3 nights, my mom volunteered to stay with him, and sleep beside him at night. I've been away from Nate 6 nights (5 days when I was on night shift, and 1 night when my lola died), but he was with J during those times. Madamot kasi akong nanay, I don't want him to spend a night without us. I hope Nate and I would not have a hard time dealing with it.

I have 2 weeks and 2 days left before I take my Maternity Leave. I am super stoked! :)

Power of prayer

Last September and October was especially difficult for me emotionally. I was going through a lot, and was crying a lot - in the shower, before I sleep, in the cab, and when I pray. Then while in bed one evening, I was thinking about the things that were making me sad. That's when I remembered this prayer:

 

After muttering this prayer, I was able to sleep soundly, and woke up so refreshed. Just like that.
When me and my  closest friends met-up, I was also able to share what was troubling me. It felt good. They shared scenarios where it could have been worse. And once again, I am thankful. I no longer feel sad about it, I guess, it's just acceptance.

Challenge Schmallenge

So I failed. I didn't complete my challenge. Nate was hospitalized the day I stopped blogging due to pneumonia. This was the first time he was hospitalized, and it is traumatic. 

Friday AM - I noticed that he has trouble breathing, I thought it was another asthma attack, so I instructed the yaya to nebulize him, one in the afternoon and one in the evening. When J arrived home, he noticed that Nate really was having trouble breathing and was gasping for breath when he speaks. He lulled him to sleep and when he woke up around 10PM, he decided to bring Nate to the ER already. I told him that I will meet them at the hospital, and asked permission from the boss to go home early.

It was a good thing that J did not go out with friends that night, and he was able to determine that this wasn't an ordinary asthma attack, after all, Nate got his asthma from him. When I got to the children's ER, Nate cried out "Mommy!" and I immediately hugged my boy. according to his doctor, his oxygen level was 80, when the normal should be 95. After the initial meds were given, the doctor said we can take him home if we have an oxygen tank at home (yeah right!), but since we are a normal family (read: wala kaming oxygen tank sa bahay), he had to be admitted. 

I wanted his pedia (Dra. Jo Bondoc) to look after him, but she wasn't accredited by our HMO. I asked if we can have 2 doctors, and just pay off her PF separately, but was discouraged by the ER doctor. J said, it might also offend the other pedia. Fine. J and I discussed if we should just pay off the entire expense, so we can choose our pedia, but in the end, practicality won over.

What I was dreading the most would be the dextrose.Nate was crying the whole time and was calling out to whoever would rescue him. It was heartbreaking and I was crying because I wasn't able to do anything. 

We stayed there for 3 sleep deprived nights. I wasn't able to go ho,e at all, because Nate would constantly ask for me. I slept beside him on his bed, so every time the nurse or doctor would come in during the wee hours, I would be awake. Uminit na nga ulo ko dun sa isang nurse, because after an extremely difficult time of making Nate fall asleep, she came in to give another dose of meds, at nagising na naman anak ko! hay!

We were right about hating HMO doctors, she spent less than 5 minutes with Nate, did not even try to establish rapport of any kind. Kakainis! Mas matagal pa yata sa room ung nagdeliver ng food!

All in all, I am still thankful that Nate responded well to the meds, he did not lose his appetite, and energy. Although he was still extra clingy and weepy for the next few days, I thank God that he took the sickness away. when we were discharged, it was another week of follow-up meds, na pahirapan na naman ng pagpapainom. But again, not complaining! Just as long as my baby is healthy, I'm ok. :) 

Day 15 - What do you dislike most about yourself?

I hate confrontations, I am a coward. I'd rather keep silent than to say what's in my head. Sometimes in an argument, I have all these retort running thru my head, but I never blurt it out. As a result, I have all these bottled-up feelings inside. I know this frustrates J, especially when we fight and I just keep my mouth shut. I guess I got that from my dad. My SIL told me my brother is also like that. It could be frustrating for them, but for me, it's just to end the argument already. I'd rather not prolong the fight, etc.

I often wonder why I am so passive when it comes to confrontations. It's not good, because I need to let it out sometimes. Maybe that's why I kept a journal for the longest time. But it's not just with arguments. An example would be with our household help. Sometimes J would have to persuade me to let them know that I wasn't happy with their actions, or their performance. I don't know, I just don't like it coming from me. I am a fairly patient person, and would rather give others a chance than to scold or reprimand them. The bad thing is they would sometimes abuse you. Yeah, I hate it when that happens, but I'm also to blame, because I should have said something before. I hate myself for that sometimes.